I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
