I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
