I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
