I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
