dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize