Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
