I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
