i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
only if we run a train.
done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love you.
Bad choice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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