it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
