that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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