My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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