Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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