My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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