I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
