i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
