I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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