there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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