i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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