I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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