listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
