He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
