I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
