there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
