Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
