You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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