Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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