i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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