I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
