she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
