why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
