she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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