my sisters under your porch take her home
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
