Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
