FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
