I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize