this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
