I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
