i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
