so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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