girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
