nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
