dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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