i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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