i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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