I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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