Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
