I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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