I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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