My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
