I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
