Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want her autograph on my taint
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
