Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
