By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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