I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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