Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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