i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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