nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
