A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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