I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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