I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize