yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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