I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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