You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
