Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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