she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
