I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
