Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
