ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
