So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
