yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
