I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize