this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
