So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
pray to the hookup gods
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
