I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize