He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
