Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
