kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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