so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
