Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
