no you cant smoke seaweed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
