i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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