i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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