I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
