What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Vodka?
Forever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
whose parrot is this?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
