Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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