At least make sure they are 18
Why
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
