I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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