I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
