guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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