Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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