1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
