he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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