FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
