ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
