D3 body, D1 cock
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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