I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
