so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
