I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize