Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
