I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
